Category: Firm News

For clients who filed for an extension, the deadline arrives on 15 November for some and 15 January for others, depending on a formula Gerald has explained eight times and which Dumpling has declined to hear.

If you have not yet gathered your documents, please begin. The following will be needed: a list of income, your receipts, your receipts, and a note identifying which of them you chewed.

We are available Monday to Thursday, 9 to 5, with an audit nap from 2 to 4. After 4 p.m. the building belongs to Marguerite, who has asked that visitors not bring food.

The third quarter closed on 30 September with a net operating margin of 18.6 percent. Revenue per client rose to $412. The only material variance was a missing pen, valued at $1.60, last seen in Marguerite’s paw.

An internal inquiry was held. Marguerite was asked whether she had the pen. She said that she did not have the pen, in the tone of a cat who has the pen. We have let the matter rest.

All other accounts are in order. Our thanks to the team for another quarter of careful and uneventful work, and to Dumpling for guarding the door against an entire flock of couriers.

Many firms hide their fees. We prefer to hide our feelings, which are even more expensive.

• Basic return, one cat, no dependants: $85
• Household return, three cats and a human: $210
• Treat budget review, per quarter: $40
• Audit representation, per hour of Gerald sitting still: $95
• Letter of apology to a neighbour, drafted: $30

All fees are quoted before work begins and are never revised upward after a client has fallen asleep on the engagement letter. Payment is accepted by cheque, transfer, or minnows. We do not accept promises. Cats who have promised to pay us before are listed on a wall we do not discuss.

From 1 August our offices will be open Monday to Thursday, 9 to 5. Friday has been reclassified as Reserve Day and will be used for catching up, not catching up, or lying on the keyboard of whoever is catching up.

The daily audit nap, 2 to 4, remains compulsory. During this window no calls will be taken, no refunds will be issued and no documents will be stamped, as the stamp is currently being used as a pillow by Dumpling.

Walk in clients are welcome at any time. Walk in clients without an appointment will be seen after clients with an appointment, who will be seen after Gerald finishes looking out of the window.

The second quarter has closed and the books are balanced, in the sense that both sides now contain numbers. Revenue rose 4.2 percent. Operating costs rose 11 percent, driven almost entirely by the loss of what the inventory register called Decorative Vase, Blue, Ref. 7.

The vase was written off at its full carrying value of $38.00 after a witness account placed it on the edge of a sideboard at 3:14 on a Thursday afternoon. The witness, a tabby named Pickle, declined to comment and then left the room at a measured pace.

We have reclassified the loss as a voluntary disposal. The distinction matters at filing time, and Pickle has agreed, by silence, to the wording.