Category: Treat Budgeting

Treat spending between 20 November and 31 December rises by an average of 73 percent, a figure that includes stockings, advent calendars and a portion of ham that was never supposed to be on the table.

Set an allowance now. We suggest $140 for the season, split into $80 for planned treats, $40 for guests who unexpectedly bring fish, and $20 for the cat who will, at some point, sit in the tree.

Review spending weekly. If you reach 60 percent of the budget by 10 December, stop and consult us. Do not consult the other cat, who is also over budget and has stopped answering the door.

Our aggregated client data shows that 38 percent of annual treat expenditure occurs between 11 at night and 3 in the morning. The remaining 62 percent is spread across the day and includes the breakfast cry.

This is a behavioural pattern, not a financial one, but it has consequences. Midnight treats cost on average 22 percent more than daytime treats because they are purchased in a hurry, from the nearest tin, and sometimes on the human’s card.

We recommend a hard cap of $6 a week for nocturnal spending, enforced by placing the treat jar in a cupboard with a latch. You will open the latch. But you will do it slowly, and in that time you will be reminded of us.

Clients regularly bring us a ledger in which the largest category is Miscellaneous. When we open it, Miscellaneous contains a single entry: surprise tuna, $212.40, eleven transactions, all after midnight.

Surprise is a feeling, not an account. A budget needs categories that survive an audit, so we recommend filing the purchase under Protein, Emergency, or under Morale, Operational. Either will be accepted by any reasonable examiner who has also been awake at midnight.

If the tuna was genuinely a surprise to you, we would like to know who else has access to the cupboard. That is a controls problem, and controls are what we are for.